Have you ever had someone confess what they're feeling to you? Did they tell you something so upsetting that it quite literally made you feel sick to your stomach? Recently my mom bought a new furniture set-couch, love seat, and armchair-all heavy stitched brown stressed leather. She's always had an expensive taste, and its gotten her into trouble again. Now she's working full hours, taking call on every other weekend, and she'll even be working tomorrow-which is her day off during the week.
As some of you might know, my mom loves to dump all her emotional crap on me. She literally came home, I hugged her neck, and she set off on her 'I want nice things so I'm the bad guy' rant. No 'how was your day' or even 'I love you'. As much as I hate to admit it, it honestly hurts. All we ever seem to do is either fight over something pointless and stupid that she won't let go of, or I sit/stand there and take her 'woe is me, I hate my life' bit.
We've been struggling with money ever since we took my father's mother in for five years. Huge doctor and medical bills, and we even paid to get her eyes fixed when she had refused to wear her glasses for years. Then my mom wanted to build the deck, patio, and re-line the above ground pool-that dry rotted because we didn't use it in the first place, and she'd rather tan than get wet anyway. So she bought paint, outdoor furniture, party lights, an antique wood door, stone tiles, gravel, and heavy curtains-plus dozens of those little decorative stone statues and wire-and-glass-orb sculptures of insects.
All in all, it was a lot of money for something we'll rarely use.
Now, we haven't owned a vacuum since our last one broke years ago, but we've been borrowing my aunt's-who lives next door anyway. But then my mother buys the furniture, and yet she turns around and says things like 'I'm always the bad guy, I always put work in front of my family' and a bunch of other stuff. Its like she was trying to make me feel guilty. Its not my fault-I live cheap! I like easy and inexpensive food, I don't like clothes shopping and only buy shoes if I need new ones. I've bought a bit of jewelry, but most of what I own is from birthdays and christmas.
I really don't understand what she wants from me. What did I ever do to deserve to be her emotional punching bag? Everyone's been wondering why I'm so unhappy. If they really want to know, then they should put my mother under the microscope. Between her and my brother, its almost not worth staying here. But without a car or licence, much less a job with money, I'm stuck here. My mother doesn't even want me to leave. I mentioned moving in with my grandmother next door, and she all but flipped her lid-I didn't even say it was me who was moving in with her.